Shidduch
While the term Shidduch (matchmaking) can apply to multiple scenarios such as pairing someone up with a suitable job, roommate, or client, it is primarily associated with introducing a prospective girl and boy for marriage. The one who suggests a Shidduch is called a Shadchan (matchmaker).
Throughout Jewish history, every community or Shtetl had at least one Shadchan, or Yenta, whose job was to find Shidduchim (plural for Shidduch) for the boys and girls in town. Even with the modernization of the world and the rise of technology and social media, there is still great value to the job of a Shadchan. Of course online Jewish dating sites and Jewish singles social events provide great opportunities for meeting a prospective spouse, there is nothing like getting a recommendation from someone you trust and who is looking out for your own good.
By way of analogy, we are far more likely to do business with a client who was recommended to us by a friend than with someone who we found through a Google search.
I recently came across the story of Terry Spiers, a UPS delivery man, who’s route included the Jewish community in the Crown Heights section of Brooklyn. In addition to his paid job, he made it his business to make Shidduchim between the families he would meet and he eventually was successful. See here for the story featured in NY Daily News & Channel 12.
Unknowingly, many of us may have served as a default Shadchan for friends and family members over the years just by hosting guests in our homes or sharing a suggestion without ever being notified of the outcome.
The first Shidduch and marriage mentioned in the Torah is in this week’s portion Chayei Sarah. We read about Eliezer, the first matchmaker, whom Abraham sends to find a wife for Isaac. Initially, Eliezer requested that his own daughter be considered for a suitable wife. However, Abraham instructs him instead to specifically go to his hometown Charan to find a wife from his own family. Eliezer eventually comes back with Rivka and assures the continuity of the Jewish people.
Our Sages explain that marriage is more than just finding a suitable partner to live with. Rather, it is primarily about two half souls reuniting as one to carry out their joint mission in life by raising a Jewish family together. This is one of the primary reasons why the Torah instructs us to marry within the Jewish faith. It is more than just finding someone who can appreciate our culture and who would enjoy similar holidays. It is about finding a soulmate who is compatible with the inner makeup of our identity. While there were plenty of nice girls in the land, including Eliezer’s daughter, there was only one Jewish soulmate. That is why Abraham instructed Eliezer to find a wife from his extended family, the one who would eventually mother the Jewish nation.
Kabbalistic teachings emphasize that more than just being a Shadchan, who acts as a third-party with other interests in mind as well, Eliezer was in fact a Shliach (emissary) who was totally dedicated to the mission for which he was sent.
The Torah spends a disproportionate amount of time describing Eliezer’s mission because it serves as a prototype of all subsequent Jewish marriages, both in the literal sense of building a Jewish home, and in the broader sense of uniting the physical world with its cosmic soul, thereby fulfilling the divine purpose in creating the world as a dwelling place for G‑d.
The world is made up of opposing forces, the spiritual and physical, body and soul etc. We are all G-d's emissaries sent on a mission to bridge the gap and unite the two opposites together thereby creating a physical home for G-d on earth. This is accomplished by studying Torah, doing Mitzvot and performing acts of goodness and kindness while encouraging others to do the same. In this way G‑d’s Name is made known in the world.
From the mission of Eliezer we learn that an emissary must have two opposite dimensions: On one hand, we must be an independent entity and use our own mind and initiative to carry out our mission. Simultaneously, however, we must be careful not to deviate from the instructions of the one who sent us. Furthermore, we must be aware that we are fulfilling the mission with the power granted by the one who appointed us, and indeed, we and the one who appointed us are considered as a single entity.
This very weekend, the Chabad International Conference is being hosted in NY. On a typical year, over five thousand Shluchim (emissaries) representing over 100 countries and all 50 states gather together for networking, workshops, and “recharging the batteries”. But above all it is a reaffirmation of the commitment and dedication to the Rebbe’s mission. And each of those Shluchim returns to their communities and, like Eliezer, deals in matchmaking. Not only between bride and groom (which we do as well of course) but in making “matches” between Jews all over the world and their heritage and promoting goodness, kindness and morality among all nations on earth. And just as Eliezer’s mission assured the continuity of the Jewish people, so too does the mission of each one of us ensure the continuity of the Jewish nation.
Through each one of us doing our part by performing an additional Mitzvah and encouraging our family members and friends to do the same, we will accomplish the greatest Shidduch of all, the coming of Moshiach when the whole world will live in peace and prosperity together.
